


forever and always

by miao_x



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Acceptance, Character Death, F/F, Grief, Moving On, a little bit ooc, based loosely off real experiences, formatting was acting up so if any part seems weird that's why, i love roselia angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 14:05:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19319695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miao_x/pseuds/miao_x
Summary: The news came at precisely 6:16 AM. A precise moment and a precisely worded phone call Hikawa Sayo would remember for the rest of her life.Yukina is dying. Sayo doesn't want to let go.But sometimes, saying goodbye helps us to realize how we've changed, and how we can continue to move on--even without the people we love.





	forever and always

**Author's Note:**

> _Anata wo tsuterete ikitai nda_  
>  _Zessei no ten e_  
>  _Zero kyōri de dakishime ai shinwa ni shirusō_  
>  _(Kono oto no kaze de)_  
>  _Soshite shin sekai e!_  
>  -FIRE BIRD, Roselia

_“Is this Hikawa Sayo? I have… grave news. Minato-sama is in a critical condition.”_

The news came at precisely 6:16 AM. A precise moment and a precisely worded phone call Hikawa Sayo would remember for the rest of her life.

_“We are… doing our best,”_

It was January 1st. It was supposed to be a holiday. A time for celebration. A time to be born anew.

_“but we cannot guarantee her survival.”_

Amid the swirling snow and darkened skies, she had rushed over the hospital, followed by the rest of Roselia. With pounding hearts and shaking hands, they walked down the immaculate hallway and pushed open the door to ward 340.

The first thing Sayo noticed was the beeping. The grating, ever-present beeping. Second, the red. It was everywhere, and most alarmingly, on the heart monitor. Third, the countless nurses rushing around. Lastly, the girl lying motionless in the bed. She had a head of silver hair.

Minato Yukina always had a way of attracting people’s attention. Never, _never_ would you walk into a room and notice her last.

The girl on the bed didn’t seem to be the Yukina that Sayo knew. She seemed… diminished, almost. Like she could sink down into the covers and disappear any second.

The rest of Roselia seemed to notice this change as well, but not so much as Sayo.

Breathe in, breathe out.

A clock ticked on the wall, a mechanical sound that burnt the inside of Sayo’s ears. _Tick, tock, tick, tock._ Destabilizing Sayo’s life one second at a time.

How many more seconds did Yukina have before she would fade away forever?

The clock also reminded her of one of Roselia’s darker times, when the band was close to falling apart. They came together, supporting each other, and they helped each other rise up. Rinko had compared their band to a clock-- sometimes, the hands might stop, but once the gears were all connected, they would move forwards as one again…

How could a clock work when one of the gears, arguably the most important gear, was missing? Missing forever…

Tears burned the corners of Sayo’s eyes, and she clenched her fists, trying to battle away the sorrow with the rising tide of anger. How could Yukina leave the world? How could Yukina leave the _band,_ how could Yukina leave.. _her?_

Everything else in the room crumbled away; her band members, the nurses, the machinery, that oh-so-frustrating clean smell Sayo had come to hate along with everything else in the hospital. It was just her... and Yukina.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Sayo walked forwards, a few trembling steps. Yukina’s eyes fluttered open, once, twice.

As Sayo got closer, she could hear Yukina’s raspy breathing.

In, out, in, out. When would it be her last?

Sayo reached the bed, and falling to her knees, she took hold of Minato-san’s pale, delicate hand. She didn’t see the nurses crowding around her, trying to push her away, or her bandmates telling the nurses to give them some time, before joining her. Imai Lisa wept unashamedly.

“Minato-san… Minato-san. Do you hear me? You can’t die.”

“Sayo….” The word was nothing more than a soft whisper as Yukina exhaled. She squeezed Sayo’s hand, a weak motion that Sayo barely felt. With a rush of sadness, Sayo was flown back in time to the first time they had held hands.

_“M-Minato-san…. this- this is quite improper…” Sayo said, her face red as she glanced down at their intertwined hands._

_“Your hands are quite beautiful, Sayo.”_

_Sayo had to turn away to hide her blush. “Do not say something like that… my hands… they are quite.. worn down..”_

_“Nonsense,” Yukina said, lacing her fingers with Sayo’s. “You may see them as ‘worn down,’ but to me they are beautiful.”_

God, there was so much Sayo still wanted to say. She wanted to tell Yukina personally how important she was to Sayo, and how beautiful, how talented, how incredible she was. But her voice wasn't working, and her muscles didn't want to move. Sayo stayed there on the cold hospital floor, frozen. She wanted to bawl like a baby, just bury her face into Yukina’s shoulder and wail out her fear and her hurt. Yukina was leaving her. _DON’T LEAVE ME HERE,_ Sayo wanted to scream. _I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU-_

Breathe in, breathe out.

Happy memories. Happy memories.

Oblivious to the world around her, tears streaked down Sayo’s face. Yukina’s hand reached up shakily, gently brushing away the salty liquid.

“Don’t cry, Sayo…. it’s going to be okay,” Yukina whispered.

It’s going to be okay. How many times had Yukina promised that to her band, to Sayo, in the past few months?

_“Yukina… are you sure you’ll be fine?” Lisa asked worriedly, clutching the rails of the hospital bed. “This isn’t the first time you’ve collapsed in the middle of practice like this..”_

_“I’ll be fine,” Yukina responded with a wave of her hand. “Just keep practicing with the band.”_

_“Minato-san… you need to take better care of yourself.”_

_“I know. I will be better by the next live. Everything is going to be alright.”_

And what did those words turn out to be? Just another empty promise. She wasn’t going to be okay, she was never going to be okay, she was never going to be okay ever again.

Breathe in, breathe out.

“It’s not going to be fine… Minato-san… why did this have to happen… _why?”_

It was supposed to be the start of a new year. A new year where everyone would be happy and healthy.

Sayo remembered how, during one new year, Yukina had taken care of her when she was sick, and they had watched the first sunrise of the new year together.

_“Ah, thank you, Minato-san,” Sayo said, accepting a warm mug of tea as she sat on the balcony, wrapped in blankets._

_“Shouldn’t it be time you stopped calling me that?”_

_"What?"_

_“...... call me Yukina.”_

_“E-eH?” Sayo nearly choked on her hot tea, face burning. “I-I couldn’t-”_

_“Sayo, look. The sun is rising,” Yukina said, totally ignoring the conversation that had just taken place._

_“Oh, you’re right,” Sayo said, wiping tea off her face. “It's beautiful.”_

_“It’s the beginning of a new year,” Yukina reflected, sitting down next to Sayo. She slipped her hand into Sayo’s, resting her head on the taller girl’s shoulder. “A new year for the band, and a new year for us.”_

_Sayo smiled, gently brushing Yukina’s silver locks away from her face. “Let’s be sure to enjoy this year together.”_

Breathe in, breathe out.

Sayo had taken moments like those so for granted. She had been stupid, extremely naive, to think that her happiness would never end.

Now, looking at the dying Yukina on the bed, Sayo couldn’t even believe they had once had the luxury to sit hand in hand on the balcony.

She stood up, balling her hands into fists. She couldn’t stand this anymore.

“Sayo…? ... Where are you going?”

“I-I apologize, Minato-san. I need a moment.”

The other members of Roselia glanced at Sayo worriedly, but rushed to Yukina’s side in her absence.

Sayo collapsed in one of the room’s rickety metal chairs that shrieked when she sank down into it. She buried her face in her hands. She didn’t want to see Yukina this way. Not when she was weak, trembling, _dying_. Yukina was so _strong_. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Maybe, just maybe, if Sayo shut her eyes for long enough, the whitewashed walls and the smell of bleach and the godforsaken _beeping_ would just fade away, and it would all turn out to be a dream, just a dream-

Sayo opened her eyes despairingly. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t wash away the fact that Yukina was dying. Death wasn’t just something Yukina could recover from, or at least promise that she would be able to recover from- it was forever. Sayo would never stand on a stage with Yukina again, would never hold her hand again, would never be able to wake up and feel her heart beating with joy because the person she loved was besides her, her silver hair aglow with the morning light.

A sob rose in Sayo's throat, and she wrapped her arms around her knees like a child. Yukina....

Breathe in, breathe out.

Minato-san: the girl following in the steps of her father, lone wolf songstress, austere performer, Roselia's vocalist, cat lover, and steadfast friend.

Who was Yukina to Sayo?

Sayo recalled the first time she had heard Yukina sing.

_Sayo stood in the crowd alone, arms crossed. What did she even expect to hear, anyways? Something cliche? Something overly dramatic and lacking actual meaning? The crowd around her cheered and waved glow sticks. So overly excited. It annoyed Sayo. What was the point of coming to hear music if you made so much unnecessary noise that it drowned out the singer's voice? Suddenly, the lights dimmed and a figure stepped onto the stage: Minato Yukina. Her golden eyes glimmered in the spotlight, and Sayo found herself frozen. Was this the same person who had walked up to her mere minutes ago? She seemed completely different on stage, like a goddess who had just descended from the heavens. Alright, maybe that was taking it a bit far._

_"Thank you all for coming here tonight. My name is Minato Yukina, and I will be singing several of my own works for you." Her voice rang out into the crowd, cold, confident, and calm._

_Sayo watched Yukina take a deep breath, grasping the microphone. Then she began to sing._

_And, good god, the girl could sing._ _Sayo stood in awe. Yukina's song enveloped the crowd like an ocean; melodic drops of water rising in a beautiful crescendo before crashing and rolling down in aquamarine waves. The music itself seemed to come to life, dancing and frolicking while Yukina's beautiful, passionate voice gave it life. The music was a perfect balance of strong yet delicate, powerful yet graceful. Sayo could feel her heart pounding in sync with the beat. She had the sudden urge to scream and cheer like Yukina's other crazy fans, but she held herself back. Gazing up at the stage, where the shimmering lights illuminated the songstress, Sayo held a new respect for her. Minato Yukina was an incredible singer, and, as Sayo was to learn, an incredible person._

Of the things Sayo was going to miss about Yukina, the absence her singing was definitely going to leave a hole in her heart, partnered by all the other holes that would form when Yukina was no longer with her.

It was because of Yukina's singing that Sayo had come to make such great friends, had come to enjoy life, had come to fix her relationship with Hina, and had come to know Yukina as a person. Yukina had done so much for Sayo- god, Sayo couldn't even list all the ways Yukina had mended the holes in her life. Yukina had always been there for her. She'd always supported Sayo, always been there to lend a helping hand when Sayo needed it. Yukina had helped Sayo back on the right path whenever Sayo fell. Yukina had wholly accepted Sayo for who she was, and taught her how to love herself.

Yukina was  _everything_ to Sayo. How-  _how_ was Sayo going to live without the most important person in her life?

Sayo lifted her head, and Yukina raised hers at the same time. Their eyes met, gold meeting green. As if on cue, Yukina smiled, a sad smile, tears trickling down her own face. Ako reached for Yukina's hand, sobbing.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Sayo thought of all the times Yukina had reprimanded her.

_"Sayo. If you are not going to fix your own relationship with_ _Hina, who is?"_

_"Do not keep thinking that you can live life on your own. I- We will always be here. If your friends offer to help you, and you continue pushing us away, that hurts both you and us."_

_"Do not hate yourself. Everyone can improve, but if you keep- nitpicking at your little mistakes and hating yourself for them, you are never going to move forwards."_

All the times Yukina had stayed by her side.

_"Sayo- it's alright. I am here."_

_"You're going to be alright."_

_"I will not leave you. The rest of Roselia will not leave you. You are not alone, Sayo."_

All the times they had laughed together.

All the times they had gone through sorrows together.

All the times they had kept pushing through, no matter what.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Yukina had done  _so much_ for Sayo. Even if Yukina wasn't there by Sayo's side, Sayo would be able to move on, to continue growing. 

It was all because of Yukina.

 _I love you_.

A strange sense of peace filled Sayo, and she stood, having found her strength. Lisa, Ako, and Rinko parted for her, and Sayo made her way to Yukina's side again.

She had thought to say it before, several times, actually, but had never really gotten used to it. In this moment, however, it seemed right, seemed truer than ever, seemed strong.

“Yukina..” Sayo said, gently brushing away Yukina's tears.

Yukina’s eyes fluttered shut, a small smile gracing her pale features.

Sayo said it again, barely more than a whisper. “My Yukina.."

"I love you."

Breathe in, breathe out.

“My Sayo... I love you too, forever and always.”

\--------

Minato Yukina died on January 1st, at 6:38 AM.

She died with a smile on her face.

**Author's Note:**

> the structure in this was basically non-existent in some parts, it was more of a fic I wrote out of emotion than anything else, so it's kinda messy. i apologize ;;
> 
> thank u for reading, i sincerely hope ur eyes weren't burnt out from their sockets by my writing  
> have a good day and remember to stan roselia :)


End file.
